filed by Agent J
Over the past unknowable unit of time we have won 4 games and lost 17, leaving us with a season total of 27-63 at the very bottom of the Awful Evil division. Things continue to be less than ideal.
Party Time Is Mandatory
The first teams to enter party time were the New York Millennials and the Hades Tigers. After all the incinerations and team swaps due to the unpredictable weather cycle, The Plan dictates our team party third. Beige streamers and a single folding table make their return from the ß Seasons. I wonder who pulled them out of storage? With no party time boosts, there is currently no incentive to even speedrun party time to attempt to improve.
Ump Effects Continue To Stack Up
A variety of effects have been observed due to the ruling of the Umps.
- Players cursed to Not Lose continue to roam the league. As of this report, they haven’t all congregated on the same team yet.
- A handful of alternates have been called.
- Ramirez Winters and Leandra Beech have been incinerated. RIV.
- Faye Melange has received a favorable rule from the Bard Umpire, and boosted stats to match.
- It has also been reported that Quests given by the Knights can either succeed, granting stat boosts, or fail, dropping stats. We wish Agent Gore luck in their quest.
Strikes Poll Well
By an overwhelming 75% rating, Spies support seeking a strikeout: one team will be first to reach three strikes, and last election gave our team a head start. Due to the one-blessing-per-team limit, this is best done by focusing on one Strike blessing: Knight Strike is the most favored. Should you be disinclined to pursue strikes, Batting Boost is the most-favored non-strike blessing. Ball Hawk, Dark Matter, Learn to Defend, and Yeet are the most-disfavored blessings.
As usual, it is highly recommended waiting until after the Post Season to cast votes in case the umpires pull something to prevent unforeseen circumstances from affecting the vote. Though of course, we can’t control you. Do whatever you want.
The Plan remains the same: we Strike out first.