Categories
Debriefings

BAKED ALASKA

filed by Agent π
audio version

What a start to the new Threeson! The best word to describe the first few games of Season 20 would be fire- the fire of a newly-forged Sun, the fire of Incinerations long past (don’t worry, not of anybody too important). Over the past unknowable unit of time, we have won 6 games and lost 1.

The Alaskan Immortals

New unveilings regarding “Season A” in the Library reveal the existence of primordial “Good” and “Bad” leagues, alongside some of the original teams residing inside of them, such as the Los Angeles Tacos and the Moab Sunbeams. While a close reading of these new texts certainly brings up strange implications (Why was the Ultra League Blaseball season 162 days long instead of 99? Why were players stealing so few bases back then?), much more interestingly, the Alaskan Immortals themselves have finally been found- under their own section in the Hall of Flame.

A statement from the Squid itself reveals their unknowingness of the situation to be related to their increasingly dire work situation:

hey
haven’t checked the hall in a bit
been kind of busy
immortals huh
guess not
wait where’s pudge

Despite the Immortals being completely incinerated, Fans have reported being almost completely capable of interacting with what’s left- though noting that the Election is reserved for teams that are still alive, and observing that whatever stadium the team might have played in evidently didn’t survive the blaze. Even so, this raises more questions than it answers- Who carried out incinerations before Umpires turned rogue? Who replaced the Immortals? And how does one even go about incinerating an entire team?

Sun(Sun)

The official unveiling of the newly-forged Sun(Sun) has brought with it a pressure meter plastered above the Team Standings page that seems to be rising by roughly 0.2% per immaterial plane day. The implications of this are currently unclear; some have theorized that the Sun(Sun) may collapse into a Black Hole(Black Hole) past a certain threshold, but little can be done now besides waiting and speculating. Regardless, it seems that the Coin’s insistence on Turntables being repealed has paid off- Un-Wins being squared does indeed transmogrify them back into plain-old Wins again.

On that note, all three of the new Electoral Decrees relate to a third Sun being Set, with each of Sun 3, 9, and 30 granting teams extra Wins under different circumstances. The Coin seems to be perfectly OK with this (stating that “Together, we will forge new ways to Win.”) even though she had to make a “Grand Bargain” to get the last Sun in the sky, but what do we know?

Other Miscellaneous Shenanigans

Onto the Playing of Ball proper, which was of course filled with plenty of strange, humorous, and sometimes unintended occurrences. In no particular order:

  • It was observed in a game between our own Houston Spies and the Chicago Firefighters that triggering the Black Hole under the Sun(Sun) would cause said Black Hole to “burp,” granting instead of removing a Win from the opposing team’s record. For the record, we still ended up winning that game.
  • During one game between the Canada Moist Talkers and the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the former’s ability Moderation ended up granting 2 more Unruns than it was supposed to, resulting in them being Shamed and losing the game. No word on any action being taken on this matter, legal or otherwise. Note that Moderation was able to function properly in a game sometime before this specific one.
  • The Haunted Kennedy Loser of the Baltimore Crabs has been recently inhabited by players such as Alford Pliskin and Arches Moss. Just one problem: No record of these players existing up to this point… exists.
  • And finally, our beloved Comfort Septemberish has finally returned from Elsewhere, if a bit scattered (though definitely not scattered in the mind- they used their Psychic Blood in the immediate next game against the San Francisco Lovers to successfully counter an attempt at being Charmed into striking out by simply drawing a walk instead). One could only hope that they enjoyed their long-deserved break over the Siesta.

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