filed by the Morale Officer
The Fax Machine is a strange and tempestuous thing. Over the past unknowable unit of time, the Houston Spies have won 14 games and lost 11.
Paula Turnip returned from Elsewhere on Day 11. Many snackholders rejoiced. Also during Day 11, the Community Chest opened. In their haste to pick up items, Basilio Mason, Ortez Lopez, Ziwa Mueller, Oliver Loofah, Tiana Wheeler, Kina Larsen, and Beasley Day all dropped the items they previously had.
On Day 23, the Chicago Firefighters were hit by a Reverb. They aren’t exactly complaining about it, if you catch my drift.
The Seasonal Readings continue to be suspended. This does not mean the Reader remains silent.
On Day 32, Agent Andrew Solis was swept Elsewhere, and the Yellowstone Magic was hit by a reverb. These events are probably unrelated.
There have been jokes about the icons of Sun 3, Sun 9, and Sun 30 (the Decrees) – as well as Sun(Sun) – looking like stuffed ravioli.
Items of Interest
On Day 9, the Smithy repaired Yeong-Ho Garcia’s Bat.
During Day 11, the Community Chest opened, and fashion plate Fitzgerald Blackburn began modeling a new pair of Mesh Shoes. That’s four items they’ve had now: Inflatable Sunglasses, Traveling Shoes, Golden Necklace, and now these.
On Day 22, the Salmon restored Jordan Hildebert’s Bat.
On Day 23, the Smithy repaired Denzel Scott’s Fireproof Ring. Rumor has it Mohammed Picklestein called in a favor.
On Day 25, Alexandria Rosales’s Air Cap broke. This was an eventful game for other reasons.
Just the Fax
On Day 12, while we were losing, Bennett Bluesky was replaced by Mohammed Picklestein through shadow fax. The Spies proceeded to win the next five games in a row, a streak entirely unimpeded by a terrible allergic reaction hitting Mohammed Picklestein on Day 14. The winning streak then ended after Picklestein was replaced by Bennett Bluesky on Day 18 via shadow fax. (Though as to the winning streak, it’s worth noting that the games on Days 13, 15, and 17 were pitched by Alexandria Rosales.)
On Day 10, Reese Clark entered the Secret Base. They have not emerged since. This has not interfered with their playing in the slightest.
On Day 14, Pudge Nakamoto entered (and subsequently exited) the Secret Base twice. During the second visit, the previously mentioned allergic reaction hit Mohammed Picklestein, and Pudge Nakamoto hit a home run that ultimately resulted in three points.
On Day 16, Quack Enjoyable entered the Secret Base. Immateria surged and swept Pudge Nakamoto Elsewhere, but Yeong-Ho Garcia dove in and flipped Pudge Negative. Quack Enjoyable then exited the Secret Base. (Yeong-Ho Garcia returned from Elsewhere on Day 17.) What does the duck know that the rest of us do not?
On Day 25, Math Velasquez entered (and subsequently exited) the Secret Base. Later in the same game, so did Denzel Scott. At the end of this game, the Houston Spies collected a Win, and at the end of the next game, and the next, and the next, and the next, and the next, and the next, and the next.
On Day 16, Immateria surged up to sweep away Pudge Nakamoto. Yeong-Ho Garcia dove in and flipped Pudge Negative. Jokes about Evil Pudge were briefly made, though they seem to have died down by now.
On Day 18, Dudley Mueller was swept Elsewhere by a surge of Immateria while still scattered.
On Day 19, Comfort Septemberish was ambushed by a murder of Crows. They could not be reached for comment.
On Day 24, Bennett Bluesky became a Triple Threat. And then immediately lost it the same game.
On Day 26, Pudge Nakamoto was cured of a peanut allergy, removing one of the few reasons left to despise them.
The Reader has urged the League’s teams to “go long“. A depth chart (a term apparently used in football to refer to a team’s roster) has been added to the website, showing 10 successive zones (apparently like a football field), a certain gate at the bottom, and cactuses at the top. The Houston Spies are on the very left of the chart and the Core Mechanics on the very right and no one except the Agency yet knows why. It may be that another splort is being added to the mix of blaseball, skateboarding, basketball, skeeball, and competitive birdwatching that we all know and love.
Stadium renovations have opened, adding several new options into the mix, like an extra-Foul Ball Pit, a Light Switch of polarizing description, Tunnels, and Balloons. While it’s still too early to have a definitive team strategy consensus, several agents report blacking out and waking up with wallets empty after seeing the option to add Tunnels to our stadium (just like with the Secret Base, apparently we cannot resist thematics). Stay cautious.
The gift shop has also opened. It is also too early to have a team strategy consensus on gifts, but early chatter seems to revolve primarily around getting items, which we hope have been debugged.