Good time of day, fellow Agents. Three ex-Spies have Fallen, as have a number of… Stars?
filed by Agent O
The first things that fell were a number of words: Stuff, Drama, Magnet, Hustle, Thwack, Control, Reflex, Reach, Stealth, Ferocity, Guile, Dodge, Vision, Thrive, and Survive. There were jokes that this was actually the sim attempting to play Wordle.
Agent Ю made the observation that many of these “sound good after ‘Metal Gear:'”. Hm. Metal Gear: Control. Metal Gear: Vision. Yeah, that checks out.
Upon briefly scrolling down and seeing “The Stars” among the teams, in the same way that “The Field” is, our Agents figured out that these are likely to be names of substats – much like the old version of Blaseball had thwackability, basethirst, and omniscience, this sim might have Reach, Ferocity, and Thrive.
(Also, in Material Plane sports people occasionally talk about a player having “the stuff”, which also supports the hypothesis that these are substats.)
I’m pretty sure there will be an office betting pool on which substats go with which stats sooner rather than later.
Now, as for the “Stars” themselves, not to be confused with the Rising Stars of the Semicentennial, their description is very similar to that of Stars in the Glossary on the old site:
Volumetric units of congealed care
Measurements of potentiality
What does that mean?
filed by Agent Ю
Returning From the Revolving Door
Agent Howell Franklin has returned home after an extraordinarily long field mission. A batter from the Houston Spies’ original Season 1 lineup, Howell is notable in that they were the least idolized player in the league as of the Season 6 Elections, causing them to be targeted by the “Who?” blessing and exchanged for then-Shoe Thief Joe Voorhees (who, not coincidentally, recently Fell onto the Miami Dale).
Agent Franklin spent some time on the Charleston Shoe Thieves and Seattle Garages before eventually settling in among the Hellmouth Sunbeams. Notably, he was among the victims of the Shelled One’s curse upon the Shoe Thieves, gaining Flinch in Season 9. Franklin was eventually freed from the curse during the Season 22 elections.
Franklin’s return to the Houston Spies roster marks the first time that a player formerly known to be an agent of the Spies in Blaseball’s Beta has been identified as an agent of the Spies in Gamma. The other Gamma Spies were overjoyed to finally welcome into An Undisclosed Location an agent with knowledge of how to properly finesse the break room vending machine, which has been maliciously consuming quarters for the better part of an Immaterial Plane decade.
Additional Sneak(er)ing Missions
Two other notable Falls this cycle are Alexandria Rosales, who fell to the Charleston Shoe Thieves, and Jordan Hildebert, who fell to the Breckenridge Jazz Hands. Much like Franklin, both are members of the Houston Spies’ original Season 1 roster.
Agent Hildebert is widely known as a participant in one of the Blaseball Beta’s first mutually beneficial prenegotiated trades, the other traded player being Agent Bennett Bluesky (previously of the Charleston Shoe Thieves, now Fallen to the New York Millennials). Agent Hildebert spent the remainder of the Beta after the trade as a Shoe Thief, undergoing Alternation and considerable augmentation to their android chassis midway through. They are now the second original Spy famous for their extraordinary base-stealing acumen to play for Breckenridge, the other being the literally Legendary Collins Melon. It has been rumored that the Jazz Hands will make them play trombone.
Agent Rosales has been a consistently high-performing player from Season 1 onward, originally starting as a batter before taking the mound in Season 6 and eventually becoming one of the league’s finest arms. It was only at the very end of Beta that Rosales returned to batting and, powered by Undefined, slugged one of the single best hitting seasons in all of Blaseball in Season 24. Their arrival in Charleston marks their first assignment outside of Houston, but far from the first time that a Spy has made the career transition to a life of footwear larceny. Reliable sources report that Alex will be taking the opportunity to unburden themself of leadership responsibilities while familiarizing themself with their new team’s culture.
It is unknown at this time why the Black Hole is so preoccupied with intertwining the rosters and cultures of the Spies and Shoe Thieves, but should any relevant information come to light, rest assured that it will be made part of a future briefing.