filed by Agent π
Welcome to Season 21! Aside from an interesting Feedback swap, things have been going rather smoothly throughout the League. Over the past unknowable unit of time, we have won 4 games and lost 3.
For the second season in a row, all 3 Electoral Decrees consist of choosing the form yet another Sun will be Set in. But unlike last time, each of Suns 90, .1, and the Sum Sun seem to function as a new form of Weather instead of a permanent, league-wide rule; they all also seem to generally increase the number of Runs scored in a game instead of adding extra Wins to a team under different circumstances.
Most prominent in terms of Blessings is “Play to Find Out,” which is said to make all active players in a team’s Rotation “Heist Experts.” The nature of this is currently unclear- after all, many things can and have been stolen in the ILB, including Bases, Runs, and Items, the latter two of which are related to the newly-ratified Tunnels modification.
Strangely, propaganda posters credited to the Charleston Shoe Thieves have begun appearing throughout An Undisclosed Location encouraging the team to “vote for Play to Find Out,” and even stranger, some of them have had the team name scratched out and replaced with “The Jazz Hands.” When questioned, representatives of both teams denied responsibility, placing blame squarely on each other.
The Comparatively Mundane
Before discussing the notable event mentioned earlier and in the title, it would be prudent to recount a few relatively minor events that have taken place so far this season:
- The latest Blaseball News Network Power Rankings have been released- and despite multiple Consumer attacks and “the loss of the newly magnified Dudley Mueller,” the Houston Spies have managed to move upwards a slot, to a projected standing of 2nd place in the ILB. Only time will tell how well this prediction can stand alongside some hopes of this being a “recovery season” for us.
- Bennett Bluesky’s Smokey Plant-Based Sunglasses were stolen on Day 1 by Gloria Bugsnax of the Boston Flowers. Luckily, this was rectified just a few days later when Bennett recieved a pair of Hearty Smooth Arm Shoes from the Community Chest.
- In addition, Bennett Bluesky was expelled Elsewhere by the Salmon Cannons installed in The Solarium, leaving Alexandria Rosales to pitch by themselves- an incredible performance boost, because their Underhanded modification now comes into effect in 100% of our games. At least for the time being.
- A game between Wild Wings and Tacos revealed that Sun 30 has the capacity to “smile,” just like Sun 2. The implications of this are currently unknown- an investigation into the emotional capabilities of these celestial bodies has not yet been considered.
- Speaking of celestial bodies, the Seattle Garages were looped three times in Black Hole weather by the Boston Flowers. However, since Black Hole interacts strangely with Sun(Sun), this resulted in the Garages gaining three more wins.
- After 2 stressful games below the eDensity threshold required to trigger Consumer Attacks, we are happy to report that the Spies have reached a comparatively safe Credit Rating of C, and are still rising on the Depth Chart thanks to our Birdhouses and Balloons. However, our X-Position has since pulled away from the side of the depth chart, with the Mexico City Wild Wings claiming the maximum of 1.000– though any tangible side effects of this value are still yet to be discovered.
The Big Thing
During a game on Day 5 with the Hellmouth Sunbeams, Comfort Septemberish swapped teams with the Flickering returning Agent Siobhan Chark- just 1 day after they were swept Elsewhere for the third time, getting flipped Negative by Yeong-Ho Garcia. Do the gods have a sense of humor, or is the Agency tampering with ILB personnel files again?
There are several Spies players within Equivalent Exchange range of Comfort, and we are seriously considering a return Exchange, but don’t put in your votes yet. Because Wills are executed exactly as filed, there is the possibility of EEing for a player who will no longer be on our team at the end of the season, which accomplishes nothing.
In return, we have received Siobhan Chark, whose time in the Hellmouth apparently granted her the ability to swim through the ground just as well as swimming through water. The Agency is currently trying to figure out what that could be useful for. Chark reportedly has also been journaling her dreams about the voices of the Collective Fan Consciousness for the entire time she was away (though dreams inside the Hellmouth are difficult to interpret). She is recorded as having commented that being sent back to the Spies was a relief, because “the Sunbeams are so loud”.
Notably, we now share the backstories of eight players with the Sunbeams: Siobhan Chark, Howell Franklin, Comfort Septemberish, Quack Enjoyable, Dudley Mueller, Avila Guzman, Joe Voorhees, and Malik Romayne. The Spybeams alliance continues to strengthen. Just as planned?