Season 25 Friday: Un-enhanced Party Time. More players fall. Please Wait turns into Please Help? Voting guide.

from the desk of agent kit

Happy time zone agents. Our players have won 7 and lost 12 games over the past unknowable unit of time, leaving us with a season total of 46-44. Better than the Dale, but not by much. Nice to know some things are consistent. Wait, what do you mean the Dale are in Party –

The Lift Host a Party

The Tokyo Lift were the first team to enter party time, and as such were the unofficial hosts. We officially infiltrated the party on the first game back after today’s mini-siesta. Where did the game numbers go? Important to note is the fact that this is not Enhanced Party Time, a decree from before the black hole that allowed players to party ingame, improving their stats. We did not party much anyway – SIBR reports have shown that only the Firefighters partied less than us.

Because of this lack of parties, we once had the joke that “we don’t need parties, we have office equipment”. The Lift suggested using a weight machine instead of a fax machine.

The Wings Storm the Playoffs

The Mexico Wild Wings lead the league into the playoffs, with 78 wins under their belt. Joining them are the Atlantis Georgias, the Kansas City Breath Mints, the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams, the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the Miami Dale (dang it), the Hawaii Fridays, and the Seattle Garages.

The playoffs were delayed due to an as-yet unknown problem. Agents reported seeing the customary “PLEASE WAIT”, as is usual for unexpected siestas, and Parker Macmillan (the Blaseball Commissioner Alternate) announced the siesta on Twitter. Full stops were added to the “PLEASE WAIT”, then removed, and then the letters themselves were removed. Then, unusually, we saw the cry “PLEASE HELP”. Full stops were appended to this as well, and also removed. This was then replaced with “PLEASE WAIT?”. Added to this was alternating exclamation and question marks. A perfect use case for an interrobang. This punctuation was then changed to full stops once more. Many, many full stops. Enough to push any text off this agent’s screen. Then, a vertical “PLEASE WAIT”, with various full stops after various letters was shown to us. This was also slowly removed, randomly, character by character. “PLEASE WAIT” appears once more, and then we were finally let in to observe play.

The Black Hole Keeps Burping

More players fell from the sky today. Hallelujah, it’s raining players. None have landed on any of our players, but Newton Underbuck fell during one of our games against the Chicago Firefighters, and Agent Becker Solis fell during a match between the Charleston Shoe Thieves and the Atlantis Georgias. We do not officially know where these players have ended up. ██ █████ ████ ████ ████ bur█ed ██ ███ █████… █████ █████ ████ ████ ██ ███ ███, ██ ███████ ███out – ███████ █████ ██ ████████.

The Messages Keep Coming

Two messages came through as the final few games wrapped up. One from The Monitor who is supporting the Moab Hellmouth Beams in the championship, and one from The Facts Machine, giving us an update on league leaders for various stats. Agent Plums Blather is third for Strikeouts Thrown, with 190.

The unnecessarily self-aggrandizing Facts Machine further claims that it leads the league with 8 fun facts.

The Votes Are to be Cast

As we are no longer playing, please report to the strategy channel in maincord or spiesserver for an up-to-date dossier on our voting intentions. At the time of writing, Pitching Boost is our most favoured blessing, followed by Guess Whose Thwack, Batting Boost, and Wind Sprints. We do not endorse any particular decree, so vote however you like on that. However, this agent will be surprised and delighted if we don’t open the book (again).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.