Categories
Debriefings

A DRAMATIC ENTRANCE – ALSO, THE BREATH MINTS.

filed by Agent Ю

Good timezone, agents. The postseason has ended, and soon the Expansion Era shall follow. The Spies have been badgood enough to losewin their way to a highly respectable underbracket finish, with no casualties and a roster stronger than ever.

Furthermore, The Breath Mints.

Our Eternal Equilibrium Point

As a result of Wild Card draw shenanigans explained in yesterday’s debrief, the Spies entered Season 22’s underbracket as the #4 seed. We then wiggled our way past the Ohio Worms to reach Wild undersemis against the Hades Tigers. We began by trading losswins with the Tigers, going into Day 106 with two losswins to their one- just one more losswin would take us to Wild underfinals.

That would have been too tame a story, however. Our home game that day was one for the Spies’ extraordinarily classified record books: not only did the match (which ended with a final score of Spies 26.5, Tigers 16.9) smash league records for largest number of runs scored in one game and highest score for the losing team, but the Spies also sent one of our most notorious shadowed agents into play for the first time: Chet Takahashi, who faxed in to replace Plums Blather.

Chet played too well, keeping the Tigers caged enough to avoid both a loss and a double fax. A consummate dramaturge, Chet proudly displayed the skill we always knew would be his strong suit: his dare I say Shakespearian ability to get double plays, including a game-winning 1-4-3 double ground out at the top of the 9th. The tied-at-2-2 series ended with the Spies losewinning Game 5 to advance to Wild underfinals the next day.

Which put us against our eternal rivals?, the Miami Dale, once again. Another fierce series that went to Game 5 was had, with Chet losewinning both of his first two games in a heart-pounding fashion. The series ended with a 4-2 winloss– Chet’s curtain call. As has been the case since the Discipline Era, the Spies found themselves where they’ve always been– better than the Dale, but not by much.

Keeping The Postseason Fresh

The rest of the postseason had its own excitements, including the Hellmouth Sunbeams black-holing their way into a 1-2 deficit against the Tokyo Lift in Game 1, ultimately leading to the Lift advancing to the overbracket Internet Series, and the Kansas City Breath Mints nailing a surprising 3-0 sweep of heavy championship favorites the Baltimore Crabs. The alive ones, to be clear. The deceased Baltimore Crabs remain Crabbed and Gone.

After the aforementioned sweep, Twitter began to explode with tweets lauding The Breath Mints. for their triumph, with the meme ultimately reaching as high as #6 on the list of trending topics and earning Blaseball itself a blurb next to users’ timelines. The Breath Mints. rode this hype to another 3-0 sweep against the Tokyo Lift to take the Season 22 Overchampionship and a second volley of inexplicably funny tweets; the Dale, meanwhile, edged out the New York Millennials to claim their first Underchampionship. Agents Rolsenthal and Hayes reportedly celebrated their unvictory with a mind-boggling concoction of Los Angelean Blaja Blast, Atlantean Ooze!, Mexico City-sourced spicy milk, and Miamian electric water. We wish our beloved deep-cover agents a speedy recovery.

Plums, Please Help Me Understand This

The reporting agent would like to apologize for not keeping up with or comprehending the news involving the unredaction of the league’s Library and insights gleaned thereof. What is known is that the original Parker MacMillan has continued to try and fail to roam out of the vault due to being “gripped by force”, Megan Ito’s history of item exchange is becoming more detailed by the hour, and another precursor team has been rediscovered: the Mallorca Whales. For context, Mallorca is both an island off the coast of Spain and a groanworthy cetacean pun.

None of Blaseball’s gods made an appearance following the postseason, but the fans remain concerned that three out of the six Sun-centric decrees will pass tomorrow- the Coin’s threats have grown desperate and the hour of her reckoning (whatever that ends up looking like) is now at hand. All we can do is hope that the Spies will continue to remain under the radar where we belong.

And Sometimes, The Election Snaps You

Given the shake-ups to the Spies roster this season – Alexandria Rosales now batting, Chet Takahashi at long last pitching, Math Velazquez benched for the foreseeable future, Siobhan Chark refusing to flicker to another team – the Agency has had perfectly understandable difficulty determining what the team’s immediate goals are and how pursuing the various blessings and wills would advance and/or hinder them.

The vote options that are clearly preferred, by group poll, are:

Blessings: Darkside Flip (for eDensity) and Autosave (bang BANG)
Wills: Shadow Infuse either Emmett Tabby (mechanically somewhat preferable) or Donia Bailey (more for lore reasons, but not mechanically wasteful)

There is no clear consensus on a second Will. This author would like to suggest the following:

Taking Michelle Sportsman (Kansas City Breath Mints)’s Socks of Fourtitude and giving them to Fitzgerald Blackburn (who can make better use of them),
Taking Beck Whitney (Hawai’i Fridays)’s Underhanded Cap and giving it to Chet Takahashi (who can also make better use of it),
Magnifying Commissioner Vapor (giving our best batter extra power),
or Shadow Revoking Siobhan Chark (a Flickering player who is first in both our fax and voicemail queues, which is a major risk).

Our top-notch facilitators have prepared a signed strategy guide in which agents including you! voice their support or unsupport for particular election options. Any questions about team strategy are welcome in the #no-visitors-strategy channel on the main Blaseball Discord server and the #strategies-and-operations channel in Decentral Command.

It’s highly possible that we might lose a beloved agent via a will or blessing won by another team this election, so it is highly encouraged to give in-person goodbyes now to any players you’re worried will be sent into deep cover tomorrow.

Regardless of what winning and losing will mean in the future, the Spies win and will continue to do so. The Plan never calls for anything less.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.