Good insert unit of time here, Agents.
The shelling of our beloved Denzel Scott appears to have motivated the rest of our players: since last time I’ve reported on the standings, we’ve won 28 games and lost 18.
On day 66, our very own Alexandria Rosales pitched a shutout, leading us to a 1-0 win against PolkaDot Patterson, ace pitcher of the Canada Moist Talkers.
…Also during this period, we realized that tasting the infinite was not exclusive to Quitter: Peanut Bong has Shelled Nerd Pacheco. Our deepest sympathies for the Hellmouth Sunbeams, our comrades in Wild Low. If there is anything we can do for you, Sunbeams, please let us know.
But enough of that. Let’s explore what happened this latesiesta.
Out of the Breach
On days 71 and 72, the weather forecasts for several games briefly showed “Flooding”. The only description given for what Flooding was? “An accident.” This was quickly corrected back to only showing the previously available weather types, like black holes and so on. But we noticed.
Then, immediately after day 72, an emergency alert:
THE COIN FLIPS
The Coin showed up shortly afterwards, demanded that everyone remain calm, and said that they had “activated Expansion protocols ahead of schedule”. New teams were here, and we were to welcome them. But inside of this announcement was a bizarrely specifically worded statement –
Do not blame yourselves.
This is not your fault.
Peculiar. Particularly because the Coin immediately ducked responsibility, claiming that “accidents happen.” And particularly because of the “breach imminent” warnings that we saw as the fans of the Baltimore Crabs poured money into their new stadium – warnings that were clearly not heeded. The thing is… we can’t exactly blame them either. If it was your team that been missing and unreachable for so many unknowable units of time, and then suddenly you found that you could materially aid them, wouldn’t you have done it too?
When the dust cleared, we found that the Baltimore Crabs had a new tab on their team page, containing the details for a ballpark. With a number of mystifying stlats such as Ominousness and Viscosity.
We have also been teased with the possibility of building our own stadium: An Undisclosed Location. It says we will be able to begin construction next Earlsiesta. Let’s not draw up plans. Speculation, sure, but not plans. We might not even be getting the same list of prefabs that the Crabs got to choose from.
It turns out that Flooding is a new weather type: an upwelling from Under sweeps runners off the bases. Not bad for us, because many of our hitters are excellent at home runs. It also has what looks like a very slim chance of sweeping players “elsewhere”.
We also have four new teams. Well, three of them, because one of them is the return of the Baltimore Crabs. But there are a series of peculiar characteristics shared by all these teams:
- Their Arcana is the Fool.
- They are recorded as having already won at least three championships. Remember, Blaseball has always existed – the Discipline era was merely the first era that we could see it through our web browsers – so perhaps these were teams that had won championships before the modern period of the ILB.
- They each have a strange team effect. For example, the Crabs now have “Carcinization”, allowing them to temporarily steal an opposing team’s hitter after a Black Hole.
- Each has been distributed to a different division of the ILB. The Wild Low has received the Ohio Worms. We welcome them. Meanwhile, the Crabs are in Mild Low now.
These teams will not be playing in the ILB until next season. For now, we have time to lurk and gather intelligence on them before they join play proper. (But in seriousness, let the various expansion teams have time to grow before we start blundering in, please? Keepers said so.)
If any Spies decide that they wish to go on a long-term deep cover mission to join one of these teams, we understand. We may one day need help with interteam affairs, and the presence of former Agents will be invaluable for those negotiations. Until then, if these teams pull at your heart more than we do, don’t let us hold you back.
We are on track to qualify for the finals. Most likely in third or fourth seed. At this point we are unlikely to reach party time, so we can only hope to be good enough to make the actual finals. Who knows. Maybe if we win we get to hit the Coin a few times. And probably get stabbed in the chest and punted across the Immaterial Plane for our trouble afterwards, but you know, details.
We are finalizing our possibilities for a voting guide. There is a poll for which Wills people would like in our channel on the Blaseball Discord. The frontrunners for which Wills to use include several proposed trades for mutual gain: good-hitting pitchers for good-pitching hitters. We take care of our own. And “our own” is all the league.
You have angered the Spies, Coin. I dearly hope that you do not live to regret it.