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Debriefings

DENZEL SHELLED

Our luck had to run out eventually. Forget the damn statline, we can do that tomorrow when my heart’s not breaking.

The big news – the only news that matters at this point, really – is that Denzel Scott was shelled.

Let me set the scene. It’s the bottom of the third inning. The Spies are utterly crushing the Lift – already leading by twelve runs. Then the live feed says:

Wyatt Quitter tastes the infinite! Denzel Scott is Shelled!

All hell breaks loose.

Wait, what?

It appears that the aftereffects of the Peanut have reached past its death. We thought killing the Peanut would have obsoleted shelling. We were terribly mistaken.

Quitter’s profile only represents their time with the Peanut as “Honey Roasted”, but it seems that the scars reach far deeper. So what’s going on? Did Quitter know that they could do this? Can this happen with other ex-Peanuts? If anyone knows, can you please tell us? Our sources are unaccountably reticent right now. I think they’re trying to spare our feelings.

All eyes of the League turned to us, something that we are unused to. We’re supposed to keep a low profile, and Denzel? Denzel is supposed to have the lowest profile of all. Maybe the shell attenuates that effect?

Fallout

We ended up winning that game. But that hardly matters.

Denzel’s shell can still field balls (though Denzel’s defense leaves something to be desired, so who knows how useful that’ll be).

We do not blame Wyatt Quitter. We do not blame the Tokyo Lift. We understand that some scars are on the inside. And during the Discipline Era, we trained all our agents in surviving sensory deprivation, so we have faith that Denzel’s performance (and, hopefully, psyche) will remain as sharp as ever whenever the birds return for them.

Also other stuff happened, I guess

Morrow had an allergic reaction to a peanut and now their stats are basically nonexistent. NaN flickered through the Hawaii Fridays and is at the moment on the New York Millennials. Also Decentral Command is continuing to discuss possible mutually beneficial trades via Wills; please swing by our Discord server to propose that kind of thing.

We’re not fine right now. But we will be fine eventually. If you need support, please, please reach out. We’re here for each other. We’re here for you.

Spies care.

One reply on “DENZEL SHELLED”

The Great Den-Shellin’

Twas first season back from ol’ grand siesta
And the spies Earl-season did not impress
From second in Wild to barely contendin’
Our team seemed destined to party at best

But game thirty-seven when hope did seem gone
What happened then there was no fortellin’
Our fortunes shifted in the blink of an eye
For that was the day of the great Den-Shellin’

Ol’ Denzel Scott was an average blaseballer
Way past his prime, he was decent at best
But all his teammates he sure did inspire
His love of the Spies no one could contest

Denzel was fielding ‘gainst ol’ Wyatt Quitter
A peanut was pitched, it’s speed was excellin’
The nut flew straight into our man Denzel
And that is what caused the great Den-Shellin’

The team was shaken, how could this happen?
Did Old man Denzell finally meet his end?
Son Scotch yelled “Spies let’s get it together!
For Scott lets go on to rally and win!”

And win they did! The spies went on a streak!
Their total non-losses sure was swellin’’
Their play improved till they were back in the race
Inspired by loss at the great Den-Shellin’

Now nobody knows how the season will end
Or if to the finals they were propellin’
But now each season on game thirty-seven
Us spy fans celebrate! BANG BANG, DEN-SHELLIN’!

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