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Debriefings

MOSTLY HARMLESS

filed by Agent π

Happy Wednesday! Compared to the relatively hectic Earlseason, today has been relatively quiet… for most of the ILB teams. Over the past unknowable unit of time, we have won 13 games and lost 11.

Ruslan Un-Greatness?

On Day 52, for the 2nd time this season, the Legendary Fifth Base was stolen from the Philly Pies’ stadium- only this time, by star player and Friend of Crows Ruslan Greatness. Compared to the Charleston Shoe Thieves’ Richardson Games doing the same on Day 17 (an event that led to them dropping their problematic Coasting Jersey and returning the Base later that game), this led to widespread concern throughout the Pies- not only was Ruslan’s Ambitious Bat of Wisdom lost for good, the team would have to contend with the departure of someone who had been a part of the Pies since Season 1, with their new Super Roamin’ modification potentially kicking in just 2 games later (the end of the 9-day Blaseball week), moving them to another random Team.

An effort was made to collect Will votes to Move Ruslan into the Shadows before the window to do so would close (with, if Move did indeed trigger, Ruslan returning to the Pies no matter which team they were on due to the counterintuitive nature of Wills in general)- but this was luckily unnecessary, as Ruslan placed and stole to The Fifth Base at nearly the last possible moment- the bottom of the 8th inning on Day 54. The Pies additionally managed to earn themselves a Win- notably by stealing a run from the Dallas Steaks in the top of the 10th to untie what was a rather close game.

Tacos vs. Wild Wings, Day 54

At the same time as the Philly Pies were grappling with putting a contingency plan in place to protect one of their most beloved batters, a truly incredible display at The Bucket between the Los Angeles Tacos and the Mexico City Wild Wings led to the away team managing to inflict Shame upon the home team, the first time an occurrence of this nature has been observed. The events that led to this moment are as follows:

  • It is the bottom of the 9th inning, and the Wild Wings are down 3-2. Brock Watson hits a Single, stealing their way to 3rd base before Tai Beanbag draws a walk and Burke Gonzales hits a Double, driving the other two to Home and bringing the score to 3-4. This shames the Los Angeles Tacos, shame further rubbed in with Yong Wright hitting a Single, allowing Burke to score again.
  • At this point, however, Yong Wright is still on 1st Base- and when Stephanie Winters hits a 2-run Home Run, the score is brought back down to 3-3 due to pitcher Michelle Sportsman being Underhanded. This, by effect, completely undoes the shame.
  • After the next at-bats for the Wild Wings accomplish little more than filling the Out counter, the Tacos are up to bat in the top of the 10th- though the game display still reads “SHAME.” And “SHAME” they do- 3 consecutive Singles lead to batter Rat Mason earning the last point of the game for a final score of 4-3.

The consequences of this were rather interesting as well- while the Tacos’ win count increased (both teams’ counts increasing relatedly during the game due to Sun 30) and the postgame recap indeed stated that “The Wild Wings were shamed,” balloons were inflated in the Bucket in the bottom of the 9th and stayed as such throughout the proceedings that followed. The Tacos’ Felix Garbage was rumored to have been seen standing in The Bucket’s parking lot after the game, firing rocks from a slingshot in the general direction of said balloons. All sources agree that this attempt at “setting the record straight” was completely unsuccessful.

Wednesday for the Spies

…has seen quite a lot worse. Regardless, Fitzgerald Blackburn was once again attacked by Consumers, losing a total of 2.4 stars in the process. In addition, Bennet Bluesky fled Elsewhere after trying (and failing) to steal Nandy Slumps (then known as N—y Slu–s)’ Passionate Rock Glove- just days after obtaining a Fireproof Limestone Helmet from the Community Chest to call their own. With Bennett having been the victim of theft twice already this season in similar incidents- I don’t blame them one bit for wanting some sort of revenge. They returned 3 days later, name fully intact.

Whether these being the worst things that happened constitutes proof of or evidence against The Wednesday Curse is up to you. Personally, while the Curse still may or may not exist, I don’t think this lends well to its legitimacy- both worse chomps and things worse than chomps have happened for us on less superstitiously notable days.

The Georjazz Wedding

And finally, it would be a shame to forget to mention the wedding ceremony that took place today between the Atlantis Georgias and the Breckenridge Jazz Hands. Indeed, in what has been described as “A win for lesbians everywhere,”, members from across the ILB gathered for what was the culmination of weeks of collaborative effort and planning, featuring a cake with at least 2½ layers dedicated to Garfield, the Lasagna-Loving Cat.

In terms of wedding gifts, the Jazz Hands are trying to reach a 3rd Gift Shop reward- at the time of writing, they are roughly halfway to their goal, and would certainly appreciate all the help they could get. The Georgias, on the other hand, are perfectly fine with the amount of funding they have at the present, and instead ask for donations to be directed towards Tributing Niq Nyong’o in the Hall of Flame. She was their captain and a star Georgias player up until her incineration, and any amount of Peanuts at all would be beneficial in preserving her legacy.

And if anyone asks, the Tigers caught the bouquet.

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