Season 16 Monday: Why aren’t we doing better? And why are these bats so flimsy?

filed by N

Welcome to Season 16, everyone. While our schemes and machinations allowed us to clean up in the elections, the problem of winning at Blaseball continues to vex us. Over the last unknowable unit of time, we have won 5 games and lost 5, once again straddling the .500 line. Unfortunate happenstance, surely. I have total faith that we will succeed. The Plan demands it.

I cannot quite place why this happened. While the Tacos and Dale are surely well equipped teams, we dropped a game to the Seattle Garages. While I have great affection for our on again, off again rivals, they are certainly not a ‘power team’ at this time. Perhaps even the best players cannot perform perfectly. Hm.

The Proper Use Of Equipment In The Field

It turns out the bats delivered unto the league by Lōotcrates are quite useful. In addition to helping our agents dominate the blaseball diamond, we have observed… side benefits. Namely, preventing the seemingly league-sanctioned attacks of consumers. While the bat invariably breaks in the process, the Millennials and the Garages have shown us that swinging full force into the indeterminate maw of a Consumer is quite effective in preserving one’s stars.

On the other hand, these bats are extremely shoddy. Players have broken bats on their first hit into a season, or occasionally even on a walk. I have been told that even fielding players have broken their bats due to unfortunate collisions with the blaseball. The thing that bats are designed to hit.

So be careful, Spies. I would much prefer that we use the bats for personal defense, rather than breaking them before Consumers ever come into the picture. The Agency will not be reimbursing Denzel Scott or Yrjö Kerfuffle.

RIV Moses Mason

Moses Mason was incinerated by an umpire on day 2. They leave behind the Boston Flowers, and Sixpack Dogwalker as the sole remaining receiver. They will be sorely missed.

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