Last night, Judge Keeper Sins reached a verdict in the trial of the century, the New York Millennials v. Parker MacMillan III. Has justice been served? Like most things, it is complicated.
We’ll start with Judge Keeper Sins’ ruling. In the case of Wire Fraud, Judge Keeper Sins found The Coin guilty. Though The Coin did not make the initial promise to fulfill the Decrees and other rules outlined in the Book, the initiation of the hostile takeover of Season 10 (in which it appears that The Coin bought out Jaylen Hotdogfingers’ debt) does mean that she is on the hook for any debts and obligations purchased as part of that takeover.
However, Judge Keeper Sins found Parker MacMillan III not guilty of Wire Fraud. Because we do not know the exact involvement of MacMillan in Blaseball’s operations, Judge Keeper Sins did not find enough evidence to convict. Further, MacMillan’s will revealed that he was an unpaid intern, and also suggested that he was set up as a scapegoat by the Blaseball gods themselves.
Judge Keeper Sins ruled that the compensation will be as follows:
- Eat the Rich must be reinstated.
- Parker MacMillan IIII must be pleasant to SIBR for at least one week.
- Thomas Dracaena must be granted additional baserunning.
- Math is unbanned.
- Passive income must be raised.
- Beans McBlase must be granted additional baserunning.
- Case Sports must be reinstated into the Mexico City Wild Wings lineup.
- The Hellmouth Courthouse is divested from Blaseball and future legal processes.
These are fortunate outcomes, to be sure. Whether they will be instituted by Blaseball—and, if so, whether they will meet our expectations—remains to be seen.
There is one other matter of import. Parker MacMillan III seems to have been incinerated at the end of the trial. However, a recent statement from ump_pope_sunman suggested otherwise:
Multiple people said this was confusing, as we all witnessed MacMillan being incinerated (by Sunman’s own hand, no less—even if he did make it clear that someone else told him to take the shot). Sunman clarified:
Sunman seems to be suggesting that the states of “alive” and “dead” do not apply to MacMillan (III or IIII) in the way that we would expect—he is described above as “… alive” and yet III is distinct enough from IIII for Sunman to refer to III as “the other one.” Curious. We have our finest agents investigating.
Enjoy the rest of your siesta, Spies. We suspect you will need the rest.