Author: Agent B

Last night, Judge Keeper Sins reached a verdict in the trial of the century, the Millennials v. Parker MacMillan III. Has justice been served? Like most things, it is complicated. We’ll start with Judge Keeper Sins’ ruling. In the case of Wire Fraud, Judge Keeper Sins found The Coin guilty. Though The Coin did not […]

Good morning, Spies. Long have passed since your last debriefing. The planets turn, the ILB rests. But I bring to you news of the trial of the century, the Millennials v. Commissioner CEO Prime Minister Parker MacMillan III, and That Coin, Probably aka The Boss. The Millennials filed the suit between Seasons 10 and 11, […]

Welcome to the Grand Siesta, Spies. Our Wild Low comrades the Sunbeams have secured this year’s championship. We applaud their success, and also our own, because we, too, have won. Congratulations to the Sunbeams, and congratulations to the Spies for the flawless execution of yet another mission. What was this mission, you ask? I can […]

Welcome to the sidelines, Spies. Succeeding in the playoffs was simply not part of the mission this year. It is not that the Sunbeams are too powerful. It is not that we are drained of blood and defense. It is simply that it was not in our best interest to win this one. Nor was […]

Welcome to the end of the season, Spies. We do not yet know for certain whether the playoffs are in our grasp. We seem to have been denied the opportunity to party once again. Our players languish on the field, iron- and defense-deficient. And yet, we succeed. Such is our lot, our curse: . And […]

It is Thursday, Spies. There is no particular significance to Thursday other than that it is the day after all of our plans fall apart and the day before we end the season. Any other things you have heard about Thursday are false, including that it, or any other of the exist. Over the past we have […]

It is Wednesday, Spies. That fateful day that determines the rest of our season. The day that always undoes our plans. That scourge, that knave. Once again, we are performing better than the Dale. In fact, we have the fifth most wins in the ILB. Party time may be out of reach this season. Please […]

Spies, I regret to inform you… about many things, actually. But one of the most pressing, the most concerning, is this: It appears that this season we are worse than the Dale, but not by much.  Much of this upset is due to the presence of strange new weather events: the Black Hole and Sun […]

Welcome to Season 11, Spies. To attempt to sum up the events of the previous in a short, digestible format is a fool’s errand. First, and perhaps most pressing, is the Ascension of the Crabs. We have finally seen Ascension—the Crabs have been Called Up to a higher purpose, one that remains yet a mystery […]