by agent kit and Agent Pony
audio version
filed by agent kit
In the past completely measurable but highly confidential unit of time, we have won. The Houston Spies have been winning. We are currently on a 18 game winning streak, and the datamancers at SIBR predict we only need 8 or 9 more wins to guarantee an overbracket spot.
Just Keep Swimming
Dudley Mueller has been swept Elsewhere once again, not even staying long enough to become completely unscattered. Is there something interesting out there?
This could be viewed as a tactical move, as Consumer attacks have been on the rise. Fitzgerald’s crocs Mesh Shoes have been repeatedly damaged and repaired, as have Denzel’s ring and Comfort’s parasite. Yeong-Ho’s bat was, unfortunately, too broken to help stave off an attack on them, causing a loss of three stars.
filed by Agent Pony
Latesiesta Report
It seems that the Latesiestas lately have been quiet, too quiet for my taste, all things considered.
As for our renovations, we have now dug Tunnels under REDACTED, which got instantly filled in as a result of being ratified into non-physical Law. A massive order of balloons also just arrived. These balloons were ordered last season, as we did hit Party Time by UnWinning a lot with those turntables, but have only arrived just now, probably due to shipping delays regarding our location. Kinda hard to deliver something when the receiving address consists of only black bars.
As for our third renovation, it was a Solar Eclipse+, which increases the appearance of Solar Eclipses as the weather in that stadium. This wasn’t planned at all in our general consensus. A fuller explanation is below: there is a lot that needs to be unpacked for that.
On the gifting side of things, we have received a total of 4 gifts. One of which was from The Monitor as an apology over what happened last Latesiesta. I do hope it enjoyed its break.
Our major gift is a replica of Agent Valentine Games, Valentine Games II, codenamed: February, or Febs for short. I personally wasn’t in The Agency during The Discipline Era, when they were active on the Spies. But the implication of your employer getting a marketable replica of a friend and former teammate who has no soul and is fated to shut down at the end of a season is truly a chilling thought. I won’t entertain any comments on why we didn’t go for Late to The Party today. That’s way out of my scope right now.
The three other gifts on our wishlist were items which our team badly needs, as we became the primary target of Consumers due to how eDense our team is right now. Gods, we need the protection. We were attacked three times in one game earlier. Pudge Nakamoto dropped their broken bat and has replaced it with a Phone of Wisdom from the Handcrafted Phone Drop, Alexandria Rosales dropped their Careful Glove of Vitality for a Underhanded Passionate Helmet from the Underhanded Cap Drop taking advantage of that bug from last time where items went to players who already had items, and Valentine Games II gained a Slimy Hot Skate Helmet from the Bargain Bin’s Depths.
On Close Calls
Day 72, the last day of the midseason. A friend and I were both chilling, watching the game as it happened, knowing that the team is absolutely terrifying right now. Suddenly, we got an alert from other agents regarding a sudden jump to the first slot in the wishlist for a Chorby Soul Replica. Chorby Soul is still Unstable even though they were vaulted. That means, not only were we going to get a mechanically bad player (most of their stats are floored), we were going to have a mechanically bad player who would take someone else out on the way. It would be detrimental to our current plans for playoffs. So we all worked together to counter the massive contributions that were made.
Fortunately, we were successful in countering the contributions that were dropped last minute.
Unfortunately, most of us dumped a lot of coins to counter the sudden dump, and in the stew of chaos, we had completely missed a casual 9 million coins sneaking their way to the Solar Eclipse+ renovation option instead of getting either a light switch or Viscosity-.
Due to these events, Agent O has been placed on… “mandatory psychiatric leave”. Hope you can relax for a bit, if you’re reading this, O. These debriefs are in capable (I hope) hands.
The League Does Crimes Now
The latest ratified renovation, Tunnels, has truly been interesting, as it allows players from the Home team to steal from the Away team. It seems like you can steal both runs and Items from other players. But it also seems like there’s a risk of a heist failing, and thus resulting in fleeing the country being sent elsewhere.
RIV
On day 79, Alejandro Leaf of The Charleston Shoe Thieves has been Incinerated. I’m not a poet, and so have no words. My sincerest condolences.