filed by the Morale Officer
Today’s the day! The predicted post-finals tank is clean, the Sun(Sun).1 is shining–
THE SUN THE SUN THE SUN THE SUN THE SUN
The decree that passed this season was Sun .1, which adds a new weather type: “Each Run scored is worth .1 more per inning.” Does this affect unruns? Alley-oops? Acidic pitches? Big buckets? Scorigami fans should be pleased.
ACCORDING TO PLAN
The Houston Spies successfully dodged all the blessings we didn’t want, including some I didn’t know we didn’t want. Yay! Our Shadows remain as we last saw them… I assume.
Wills-wise, we finally successfully used the new Shadow Infuse, significantly improving Donia Bailey’s Defense. We’re coming for you, Donia. We also retrieved Comfort Septemberish, Scattered though they may currently be, from the Hellmouth Sunbeams–or, rather, from the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, who had Exchanged Roaming Agent Jasper Blather for them, leaving the Sunbeams with a Roamer who then, predictably, Roamed. The Jazz Hands were left with Quack Enjoyable. Good luck, Agent.
Adalberto Tosser, beloved of friesholders everywhere, has eschewed being a Credit to the Team in favor of vampirism, and, in a move that seems to have surprised the Boston Flowers, transferred to the Boston Flowers using a high-coin-amount Will. Silvaire Roadhouse, much to the Wild Low Division’s relief, has been sent to the Baltimore Crabs instead, where they promptly joined the rest of the Crabs rotation in obtaining Heist Expertise. Roadhouse still has Unstable Debt.
Meanwhile, pickles favorite Don Mitchell has been moved to pitching, where his thefts will be more baseless and run- and item-ful. Interestingly, it looks like Yellowstone Magic player Wyatt Glover, flipped Negative, Alternated, and moved to the rotation, may have become a viable economical idol.
The unredaction of ancient history continues apace, revealing Maryland Squirrels, confirming the replacement of the Canada Artists with the Topeka Moist Talkers, adding Night to the list of known weather types blaseball has been played in, and enabling Can You Pet the Dog? to add blaseball under the Yes column. (Open any player page from the Downward Dogs to pet the dog. Who’s a good doggie? Who’s a good doggie?)
Agent NaN has been revoked yet again, this time in the Shadows of the Unlimited Tacos. Embracing the Roamin’ lifestyle by taking a mod On an Odyssey granting a two percent boost “every team [sic] they join a Team”, NaN has entered the Shadows of the Kansas City Breath Mints, ending with a total of 7.2 stars.
Agent February has again faded temporarily! into dust, along with other replicas, but not, in all cases, their items. Notably, the Chorby’s Soul items, stolen as they were during the season, remain with their current players, lightening the Atlantis Georgias’ Shadows.
In sadder news, it appears the Plan intends for James Mora to enter the Vault, as the Yellowstone Magic’s attempt to give him the Fifth Base using a Will went the same way as their attempt to use the Forcefield of Observation: unsuccessfully.
In better news, Agent Dudley Mueller has been transferred from the Hades Tigers to the Philly Pies on an apparent low-priority Tigers Equivalent Exchange for Beasley Day. Is retrieval of Agent Mueller part of the Plan?
THE STATE OF THE SHADOWS
With Voicemail ratified, the Agency is looping me in when keeping an eye on the Houston Spies’ Shadows. According to reports, in the event of a shutout, we can expect Agents Math Velazquez and Aoife (pronounced EEFfa) Mahle to swap in and out of our lineup, gaining stars each time they entered the Shadows, until still-Flickering Siobhan Chark became our Voicemail backup instead.
Due to other teams’ difficulties this election, agents are advised to tread carefully when celebrating the Houston Spies’ relative electoral victories, but, as Morale Officer, I rate this set of Plan successes as among the easiest-to-celebrate we’ve had in quite a while. It almost makes one want to indulge in the next League-mandated party time… Almost.