The usual author of these reports is currently indisposed; as such, a handful of other reports by other Agents have been randomly pulled from the files carefully selected to populate today’s debriefing instead.
filed by SK
Latesiesta saw the successful construction of two additions to our Undisclosed Locations: the Peanut Mister, and Big Buckets. Following the Morrow Wilson Peanut Incident, the mister was seen as a necessary insurance policy against further reactions. Henceforth, our Undisclosed Locations will be lightly fogged with an organic, non-toxic herbicide formulated specifically against known plants and plant-byproducts of the legume family. Ballpark regulations (see Document 2.17.4.J) have been updated to restrict the buying, selling, procurement and general availability of hummus, edamame, falafel, et al. Fans may also notice that, in multiple instances, seats have been removed from the stands to make room for the installation of large purple buckets affixed with plastic sunglasses. Please do not sit in, store items inside, otherwise interact with, or ask us about the buckets. We are not yet sure what they are for.
filed by N
Elsewhere in the League
The Hades Tigers seem to have a blinking red light now that they’ve hit A Credit Rating. Uh. Is that good?
filed by kit
Yesterday was Wednesday in the Material Plane, and our players started playing exceedingly well. Whereas before we had been hoping that the Houston Spies would party, instead the Spies have won enough to put us in the middle of the Wild Low. SIBR projections have shown that no team will party before day 80, and assuming we keep playing to the current standard, we will do just well enough to miss party time. As usual.
Addendum to Stadium Renovations
While it was discussed, our renovations did not include PsychoAcoustics. This seems beneficial, as we have witnessed The Second Wyatt Masoning. Thirteen Wyatts, each with the Echo modification and their own Roman numeral for ease of disambiguation, have joined the roster of the teams with this renovation. On day 77, we witnessed Wyatt Mason IX and Wyatt Mason XI, of the New York Millennials and Core Mechanics respectively, Echo into Static. These two Wyatts are no longer on the roster, although Wyatt IX kept pitching for the Millennials after this happened. One would wonder how static can pitch, but we do have the embodiment of mathematics on our team. It is theorised that the Wyatts tried to echo each other, causing their untimely departure.