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Debriefings

WE ARE NOT CRYING

Welcome to a new season, Spies.

The previous election has caused quite a stir within the Blaseball League. The Seattle Garages successfully performed necromancy on Jaylen Hotdogfingers, drawing them back from beyond the veil. In return, Mike Townsend, a disappointment a credit to the team pitcher, has stepped into the Shadows.

The Spies received two Blessings for this season: Evelton McBlase II (a duplicate of Fridays pitcher Evelton McBlase) has joined the Spies and immediately swapped positions with Alexandria Rosales. McBlase II has also replaced Donia Bailey, who has also stepped into the Shadows been extracted. Do not fear, Spies. Our begrudging curmudgeonly terrible pitcher will return to us someday. We hope.

Howell Franklin, who is definitely not a werewolf, has joined the Charleston Shoe Thieves after the blessing Who? targeted the lowest-idolized player in the League. This was, of course, part of the plan. We love Howell very much and definitely did not forget to idolize them. We definitely did not sacrifice Howell in the name of necromancy and peanut idolization. Howell is absolutely on an away mission and we are not crying, you’re crying, shut up.

Thanks to Move the Mounds and Stealing Signs, the entire Wild Low division’s pitching and batting stats have been improved by five percent. We would like to assure everyone that the Spies would never “move the mounds” or “steal signs,” as that would be against the rules. What we do under cover of night is classified.

We look forward to a wonderful season, Spies. Whatever happens, remember: we are the problem.

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