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Debriefings

LETTUCE REJOICE

Good morning, Spies. It seems that necromancy carries significant consequences. This is your annual reminder that all attempts at forbidden dark arts must be approved by a supervisor with AA-level clearance. We acknowledge that this is difficult given that clearance level is classified but you’re Spies, it’s your job to figure it out.

We have once again achieved the perfect win-loss balance of 10-10. Some of o Our experiments are proving fruitful. Even cloning Evelton McBlase. If there must be a sacrifice, we hope it’ll take McBlase II.

((Note: What’s McBlase’s clearance level? They’re not reading these debriefs, right??))

Chaos continues to reign in the Blaseball League. Jaylen Hotdogfingers has beaned several other players with their erratic pitches, causing those players to become unstable (including former deep-cover active Howell Franklin) and therefore more likely to face incineration. As a result, the League has lost New York Millennials hitter Dominic Marijuana, Miami Dale hitter Murray Pony, and Dallas Steaks hitter Sebastian Telephone. May they rest in violence. Jessica Telephone has also been freed from her nut-shaped prison following an abundance of birds in game 63.

In Spies-specific news (since we thankfully do not often face the Garages), we shamed the Crabs on day 50. During game 60, Malik Romayne, curious about the Spies’ forbidden knowledge about alternate universes, swapped places with Spies newcomer Joe Voorhees. We welcome Agent Romayne to the team (we hear xyr salads are to die for) and reassure the League at large the the Spies absolutely do not have any forbidden knowledge about alternate universes, parallel universes, or any other universes whatsoever.

The Blooddrain boosted Valentine Games with some of Yazmin Mason’s hitting ability, and another fateful gurgle boosted newcomer Romayne with a bit of Nic Winkler’s baserunning ability.

Will this allow the Spies to break free of our eternal curse of being better than the Dale, but only just? Only time will tell. Thank you, Spies, for your unending loyalty and trust in the gravity of our mission. Reminder: questions about “what the mission even is” and “who is even writing these debriefings” can be submitted to the incinerator suggestion box on floor C.

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