Welcome to the postseason, Spies.
As predicted, the previous unknowable unit of time‘s events have been… dramatic. Let’s begin with the most relevant: the Houston Spies won four games and lost five, sending us into Party Time. The Party never stops for Agent Reese Clark, who has asked for utter and complete silence as they recover from two solid days of partying and stat increases. Agents Blackburn, Hildebert, and Games also benefited from partying, as evidenced by the numerous streamers, party hats, paper plates of cake, and “fun” comedy glasses with attached mustaches scattered throughout HQ. We must ask that these items be cleaned up as soon as possible, as the mess is unprofessional and make us look fun and interesting, which harms our reputation as the most dour and sinister of teams.
In wider Blaseball League news, the Snackrifice, an attempt to shell the entire pitching roster of the Unlimited Tacos, was successful. Likewise, Blaseball fans united to idolize the three legume-labeled players in the League—Peanutiel Duffy, Peanut Bong, and Peanut Holloway—and all three have become “Honey Roasted.” Delicious.
Following these events, the Shelled One rose up to chastise fans for their behavior only to be… interrupted by some kind of
chthonic cephalopod inquiring about eggs and stating it followed Jaylen Hotdogfingers back from the “trench.” Our agents are actively investigating this phenomenon.
Stay safe, Spies. Though we may be eliminated from the championships, there is no telling when a stray Jaylen Special may come your way.