Season eight has begun. We encourage you to look at the standings. What is that you spy there? Is that the Houston Spies not just slightly above the Miami Dale in rankings, but actually one full slot ahead of them? It is.

This is due in large part to our eleven wins to nine losses over the past unknowable unit of time. Our stat gains last season and during postseason partying seem to be paying off. However, as any long-time Spies fan knows, things always start out well before we stumble into last or nearly last place before our mission calls us elsewhere. Can we hope this season will be different? Only time will tell.

In other news, Philly Pies hitter Hobbs Cain has been incinerated after an attack by a Rogue Umpire. Hitter Rai Spliff has joined the team to replace them.

More immediately, Operation Get Astro’s Turf is now in effect. Dimensional rifts have been opening in An Undisclosed Location. Interested parties, that is to say, all active agents, should proceed to An Undisclosed Location to aid in removing turf from the Astrodome or, for those more interested in subterfuge, various propaganda posters have been created for spreading throughout the League.

Remember: spies win. Grass blood will be ours.

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