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Debriefings

WE ARE VERY NORMAL

It is the middle of the week season, Spies. I have checked and rechecked the data. I have run the calculations, the simulations, more times than I can count. I have asked Math Velazquez to verify. And yet, inexplicably, our win-loss ratio for the past unknowable unit of time remains a positive fifteen wins to nine losses.

There are many things to consider: we are not quite at the halfway point. There are many games left to play. There are incinerations and feedback and even reverb to consider. But consider this, also, Spies—we have eight wins over the Miami Dale. Two entire teams separate us in the standings. Could it be that the long game, the mission we have been pursuing all these long years unknowable units of time is finally coming to fruition? We can only wait and see and modify the documents to showcase that we have been successful all along, of course.

In other news, we have received another visit from the creature known as the Hall Monitor, which has introduced “sliders” to make voting and paying tribute via peanuts easier to do in large quantities. We have no idea what these “sliders” are as we vote by mail and toss peanuts into a giant, unfathomably large pit while thinking of our dearly departed, as all normal people do.

(Note: Also, the Hall Monitor seems a little obsessed with the concept of “tiny eggs.” Is it… all right? Should we be worried? Like, is it okay that a creature that showed up and was seemingly benevolent at first is getting kind of demanding?)

During day thirty-six, a Rogue Umpire incinerated Firefighters hitter José Haley, who was promptly replaced by Goobie Ballson, because the game must continue.

(Note: Does anybody else find that disconcerting at all? That people are incinerated and we have no time to grieve them, because the Blaseball must continue? No? Just me? Okay.)

Quack Enjoyable flickered and swapped places with Cedric Spliff following a feedback event on day forty-two. We hope everybody is amenable to this new arrangement.

That is all, Spies. Remain vigilant. Remain hopeful. Remain the problem.

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