Welcome to Season Nine, Spies.

Much has changed since our last missive. Thanks to the Miami Dale, we now know that being Fireproof results in the incineration of Rogue Umpires instead of players. We find this information very interesting. We will not be elaborating.

Though we did not win the Season Eight playoffs, we were not without wins. During the Election, we stole Replacement Elbows, granting additional pitching ability to Denzel Scott and Math Velazquez.

The end of Season Eight also brought some interesting changes to the leaderboard. After a mostly successful campaign to get players with special relationships to the Microphone into the microphone-marked spots on the leaderboard, the Hawaii Fridays’ Sixpack Dogwalker, the Seattle Garages’ Jaylen Hotdogfingers, and the Unlimited Tacos’ Houston Spies’ Mexico City Wild Wings’ NaN all gained the “Flickering” modification. NaN and Dogwalker had additional modifications—both became Receivers, which seems to mean that they are now capable of transmitting messages from the Mic. So far, those messages have included:

hi friends

it is Wyatt

I have a plan


Time for Phase Two

We are watching this closely. So closely, in fact, that we briefly recruited NaN (who was Flickering during Feedback weather) to the Spies roster during game six in exchange for Valentine Games, who has moseyed on along on their journey to the Unlimited Tacos. Don’t forget to write, Games. Intel gathered, insight given, and souvenirs shared, NaN moved on to the Mexico City Wild Wings. In return, we gained Sosa Hayes, who is an adult human and not three children in a trench coat. Why do people keep saying that? Trench coats are for distinguished and surreptitious adults, not children. And our Son, obviously. Son gets whatever they like.

Also, we won 15 games and lost six. We lead the league right now. Not Wild Low—the league. This is all according to plan. You have not heard popping champagne bottles in the break room. Nobody is celebrating. Your clearance level is not high enough to celebrate.

Spies win.

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