The Election results of Season 12 have been eventful. The sheer number of Wills have caused a spectacular amount of chaos. The Spies had a plan, which immediately went off the rails.
Here is a summary of the events of the greatest import to Spies:
- Sosa Hayes has been Infused, improving his pitching by 22% (and giving him 22 more fingers).
- Morrow Wilson has somehow been traded for Knight Triumphant of the San Francisco Lovers.
- Despite our large share of the votes, Uncle Plasma was taken by the New York Millenials.
- The Decree that passed was Based Evolution; the Hades Tigers have Evolved.
Also possibly of interest:
- Nagomi McDaniel was stolen twice by two different Wills and then Shadowed by a third.
- Pudge Nakamoto received a buff from Infuse, and then was promptly Revoked, sending them to the Charleston Shoe Thieves.
- Trust turns out to grant Flippers (at least this election), which allows players who get Flooded to score a run instead of being removed from the field.
- Liquid Friend is on the San Francisco Lovers now.
- Wyatt Glover’s hitting was rerolled and is now, somehow, even worse.
Meanwhile, the Coin showed up with the election results, insisting that “everything [is] under control” and that “thanks to Our swift action, [the floods] seem to be leveling off.” Which is strange, since “leveling off” suggests that the Coin in fact did nothing whatsoever and let the floodwaters rise until they’ve destroyed everything they can destroy.
Sosa Hayes has excellent hidden stats, which Infuse has significantly buffed.
Has Sosa been taking three Flintstones vitamins a day rather than two? Is Sosa now four children under a trenchcoat posing as a taller and more adept single adult man? Did the children undergo puberty? At least two of these stories are wrong, and have been recorded as misdirection. I have no idea which two.
In any case, this is, was, and has always been the plan, and we are very glad that this went exactly as we expected.
Our originally intended plan was to trade for a good pitcher who was in someone else’s batting lineup. It would have been great. I came up with a codename for it and everything. But best laid plans, and all that.
Instead, due to an unaccounted-for spoiler vote compounded by a wimdy, Knight Triumphant of the San Francisco Lovers was traded to the Spies. This was definitely not part of The Plan, and was absolutely not a paperwork filing error.
In exchange, at least Morrow Wilson now has some time to rest and recuperate from their allergic reaction this last season without having The Agency trying to push missions on them.
We are in negotiations with the Lovers; we are considering Knight to be on loan from them for the time being. In the meantime, Alexandria is glad to have someone else who can take a hit to practice swordplay with, and Knight is learning how to better control their instinctive illusion-generation with Marco’s guidance.
For whatever reason, Uncle Plasma has been wimdy’d by the New York Millenials. This was not part of the plan. We had been warned that the Tokyo Lift were also attempting to acquire Unc, so we’d been bracing for the possibility, but in any case the Millenials now have a terrifying pitching rotation that we are glad not to be in the same subleague with.
I’m sure this was all part of the plan. Whatever the hell the plan is. We aren’t sure how the results we didn’t expect help us win, especially since several other teams have gotten significantly greater buffs than we did. But in the end, we didn’t get any worse this election, so try to keep the salt in the kitchen.