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Debriefings

ITEMS ITEMS ITEMS

Entirely too many things have happened over the past unknowable unit of time. Where would I even begin…?

May as well start with the fact that we have won 15 games and lost 8. Now if only we can keep that performance up.

The Spies have been using their psychic powers to draw walks where none existed before. (The most frequent psychic-walker is Comfort Septemberish. Some of us like to think that they point and yell “LOOK OVER THERE” and everyone just goes along with it.) Pitchers reversing walks hasn’t happened nearly as much – our pitchers are usually too good to walk batters.

Tasting the Infinite

Alejandro Leaf, in a game against her old team, the LA Unlimited Tacos, shelled two of them, slashing the Tacos’ batting rotation down to three active batters. It’s almost like the Tacos decided that, not to be outdone by the Magic suddenly dropping to a four-player lineup, they would trim themselves down to three.

Now, the thing is: I interpret a Tasting the Infinite shelling as a trauma reenactment – and so it might be a displaced anger at something untouchable. Alejandro had to be angry at something, and it was so much easier to be angry at whoever was closest at hand. Afterwards, though, sitting on the edge of a bed cradling her head in her arms, she might have found that there was nobody left to blame except herself.

Shortly afterwards, the Tacos played against the Spies. Perhaps the Spies used their newfound psychic powers to communicate with those trapped inside the shells. What would they have sent? Kind thoughts? News updates? The Spies’ own documentation on how to survive sensory deprivation?

(Incidentally, the name of the decree that passed a bit ago – All You Can Eat – definitely only has a coincidental connection with tasting the infinite… right? Right?)

The Seasonal Reading

There has emerged a hypothesis that upshelling specific events enough to make Lōotcrates notice them may actually warp reality. This was based upon the observation that “they sent the fish back” was immediately followed by the return of Fish Summer from Elsewhere. Which is a weirdly specific coincidence. As such, people have been trying to upshell descriptions of players that had been Redacted from the Yellowstone Magic, specifically the ones where the players are said to be “batting for the Magic”, in hopes of trying to attract them back.

I still feel really bad for the Magic. Their team cut in half for no discernible reason…

Then, something peculiar happened during this Seasonal Reading – Lōotcrates interrupted the mysterious purple text reading out the card names with the following:

The Reader interjects
Projects upon the text
Fishes from neighboring streams.

Flailing against the Current.

At the Delta
Tributaries converge
The Historian collects the sea.

Some people think that Crates’ comment about “collect[ing] the sea” refers to their Twitter account’s syndication of upshelled Feed comments. And that this, then, would be commentary on us trying to change Blaseball by upshelling things. About us trying to claw some agency out of an illusion – a coincidence – where none actually exists. “Flailing against the current”, as it were.

Not comforting.

Then again, it could also be about a strange occurrence in the Reading itself: for the first time, the previous Champion was affected by the reading, but one of the other teams wasn’t. Baby Doyle, the best batter of the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, was saddled with a necklace that Alternates them whenever they get swept Elsewhere in a flood. And Orville Manco of the Dallas Steaks was thrown into a force field that protects them from roster moves… but also puts them underneath Observation.

Why these specific items? “IMMATERIA IMMATERIA”, the reading said, by way of ‘explanation’ (insofar as this is an explanation, which it isn’t). “MATERIA MATERIA”.

What can we even do about any of this? And why have the Jazz Hands once again been the recipient of the worst luck?

Item Drops

Anyway. Remember how glitter weather comes with a chance of item drops? During glitter weather, Socks Maybe (of the Chicago Firefighters) acquired Metaphorical Shoes. You cannot make this up. Or, rather, you could, but it would come off as hilariously hamfisted.

A few hours later, we reached the total of 3000 runs required to activate Community Chest: and, among other things, Denzel Scott received a “Wooden Bat of Strength”. It is a very high-quality wooden blaseball bat, and that is all it is: a normal bat for a normal American. (Andrew Solis, with his “baseball” obsession, would have been proud.) And it boosts all the right stats for Denzel, too, making them even better as a leadoff batter.

Meanwhile, other players on other teams received odder items: a noise-canceling ambitious blood cap? A brambly necklace of blaserunning? Limestone hard sunglasses? Where the hell are these coming from?

Miscellany

The Philly Pies and the Dallas Steaks are tied at the ludicrously high win record of 26 to 7.

It seems that the weather dial has been turned up this season. Lately, the Boston Flowers got reverbed, but there doesn’t seem to be too much damage. Well, other than SCORES BASERUNNER having to pitch now, which is easily fixable.

Thankfully, Fire Eater + Unstable is just Magmatic, no instability chaining or anything. Nagomi McDaniel is safe(ish) to be around. Insofar as an angry bitter woman with spikes and claws growing out of her can ever be safe to be around.

Jordan Hildebert – now one of the star players of the Charleston Shoe Thieves – returned from Elsewhere as –r—- —–b—. I think this is hilarious.

That’s too many news items, Blaseball. Put some back.

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