Fellow Agents: we are once again in a Wednesday. I will not speak of Wednesday curses. I do not believe in Wednesday curses. I’m not even sure I believe in Wednesdays anymore.
Over the past unknowable unit of time we have won 16 games and lost 10.
Weather report: there have been a handful of Feedbacks between different teams, though none of them seem immediately important to us. And there have been three incinera… look over there, it’s a bird! Actually, several birds! Turns out that Birdhouses reduce Filthiness by turning foul balls into fowl balls.
I’ll… uh. I’ll talk about the incinerations in a bit. Just give me a few minutes to steel myself.
Let’s Talk About Those Decrees
There really hasn’t been time enough to talk about the election options on offer this season – partially because most of the Blessings haven’t been particularly exciting, and partially because there’s been a lot of other news. But the Decrees…
Remember how Lōotcrates spoke of being a witness? A historian? (Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, is Lōotcrates just speaking about themself in the third person when saying that?) A lot of these are about history. Preservation.
- Forum: Upshelling Events on the Feed will earn you Coins and Prizes.
- Library: Reveal the Ancient Histories of Blaseball.
- Laboratory: Add a Will that lets you build a custom Item and give it to a Player on your Team.
- Smithy: All non-Playoff Teams from this Season build a Smithy in their Ballpark, which occasionally repairs Items.
- Monument: The Top 99 Events of each Season will be Remembered.
- Fairgrounds: All games have a chance of being Prize Matches, in which the winning Team will open an Item Crate.
We’ll get three of these. Ancient Histories is the obvious plot hook, of course. But what else? How does Monument work? What kind of Prizes does Forum give? Is the Smithy going to be permanently locked to only the teams it would be given to now?
So many questions!
Renovations
We appear to be well on our way to funding a third ballpark renovation. More than 50% of the recorded coins, according to intelligence gained from the Apple, are for the Fax Machine. (Birds+ might be able to use a bit more coin if you’ve got a moment, though.)
Since it is present for everyone, the Fax appears to be this week’s Plot Renovation. I wonder what it does narratively?
Mechanically, though, Fax Machine isn’t particularly good for us. It’s fine, I guess? Chet Takahashi has a poor stat distribution underneath the stars. Becker Solis and Mohammed Picklestein are usable.
Like, relief pitchers work in Material Plane Baseball because the Material Plane has a brutally strict fatigue system. The Immaterial Plane does not: the players of Blaseball never tire.
Obituaries
Hiroto Cerna of the Boston Flowers. Hercules Alighieri of the Atlantis Georgias.
And Stijn Strongbody of the Tokyo Lift. An incineration we ourselves witnessed.
Once again, shortly after the incineration, Reese swallowed the fire from an umpire. How does Reese feel about being just a few minutes too late twice now? Does Reese have nightmares, turning those moments over and over and over in their head? Does one of the other Spies, now psychically linked, eventually figure out how to enter Reese’s dreams and help chase them away?
In at least one story, Math was a good friend to Stijn Strongbody, due to the latter having the pregame ritual of “advanced mathematics”. If so, maybe – just maybe – a paper showed up in the Annals of Blaseball Research several weeks later. With Math and Stijn listed as co-authors.
Meanwhile, August Sky, a pitcher for the the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, ate flame and became magmatic, despite not being a batter. The fact that it took so long for a pitcher to become Magmatic is more evidence that Fire Eater not only intercepts actual incinerations, but that batting Fire Eaters are targeted for additional umpire fire. Assassination attempts?
Well.
Whatever happens, Spies win. By definition. So this has to be what winning means. Right?
…Right?