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Debriefings

JOMGY DOES A DATA CRIME

Ballpark renovations have rolled in, Agents, which means only one thing: newer and ever more bizarre stadium modifications! We built Flood Pumps in an effort to keep the filthiness under control, since apparently filthiness is a factor in the eDensity calculation, and also a Secret Base because obviously.

Since the last time I checked in, we’ve won 9 games and lost 14. I am honestly not sure whether to root for playoffs or party time anymore.

Jomgy Rolsenthal, Pro Skater

The Grind Rail is a stadium modification that several teams built; it allows a player to trick directly from first to third base, skipping second entirely. As it turns out, Jomgy Rolsenthal – despite (or because of?) having half a star in baserunning, which we interpret as two left feet – is absurdly, ridiculously good at tricking off the grind rails that many other stadiums have installed. One of her tricks – one she calls the Data Crime – was caught on tape, and has since gone viral.

Each use of the grind rail is given a score. According to SIBR’s records, Jomgy Rolsenthal has twice the score of the next runner-up, Malik Romayne… who is also one of our players. Math Velazquez is also on the list of notable skaters.

Consumer Reports

It should go without saying that Chorby Soul continues to get continuously bitten – they’ve reached 100 shark attacks so far this season! – but now that we’re near the end of the season, other teams are beginning to sink to the point where Consumers are taking nibbles at their stars.

Incidentally, the Seattle Garages were the very first team to reach Party Time – Consumers have been hitting the other Garages in between Chorby chomps, and they are still bleeding wins.

Secret Bases

The second base at An Undisclosed Location is now a hatch that leads to a bunker fully stocked with a 30-day emergency food and water supply, an independent generator and satellite uplink in case of power outages, the ability to use the Periscope (that’s the codename for our stadium’s CCTV camera system) to monitor the progress of games, a full disguise kit (please make sure to put the lid back on the liquid latex adhesive when you’re done with it), and (at the urging of Denzel) several books of crossword puzzles.

We have distributed the plans for these emergency shelters to the other teams in the league; secret bases have been built by fourteen teams in total.

Initially, secret bases didn’t do anything ridiculous like Psychoacoustics did – and people figured that maybe the plot relevancy was just the one time. Then this changed.

On The Run

Kurt Crueller, previously of the Yellowstone Magic, found himself Observed after an unfortunate encounter with Chorby Soul. She subsequently entered a Secret Base while at the Mints’ stadium and became Redacted… and then, a few minutes later, their player card replaced Redacted with “Attractor”.

My sources claim that a mysterious entity who looks like Kurt Crueller, but with significantly higher nominal stars and no Soul whatsoever (and thus no soulscream), has been spotted hanging out next to various second bases at ballparks with Secret Bases built. The description on Attractor suggests that if someone bats this Crueller apparition in to score a run, Crueller will temporarily be recruited to their team.

We have no idea what’s going on here. Is Kurt Crueller on the run from whoever has been doing the Observing? Is this someone wearing Crueller’s face? …Is Crueller an agent for someone other than us?

Does this happen to anyone Observed who enters a Secret Base?

Keep your eyes open.

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