filed by Agent O
This week we found a pin, got one Nancy Grackle, and not much else. But here’s what I’ve been able to gather.
Artifacting
Having successfully secured the first commemorative pin with more than 15K signups, the next one was revealed today. If we “reach capacity” at 30K, we will “Surface the Artifact”, whatever that means.
As with last time, at 2PM on the dot the spinning helix began disgorging a list of new players (full list enclosed below). We got second pick. My guess is that the order in which teams go in is also randomized.
We’ve Been Grac(k)ed
We have received Nancy Grackle, previously of the Atlantis Georgias: a player whose potential as a batter was cut short by an allergic peanut reaction. The version of the story I have been told involves him being a mad scientist who probably removed his ability to see the color green and may or may not be in one-sided hate with Niq Nyong’o, whose hobby of doing the maddest and most reckless possible science puts him at odds with the OSHA-compliant lab that Mohammed Picklestein allegedly left behind, but who even knows.
Grackle and Wyatt Mason IV were briefly on the Atlantis Georgias together, though separated by Grackle being in the Shadows. It is not unlikely, however, that one or the other of them is entirely unaware of this fact.
Local grackles, when asked for a statement on their relationship with Nancy Grackle, responded by gathering in the thousands and whistling in the most grating possible manner while destroying the windshields of every car in the parking lot, though I think that’s probably just their normal behavior, not because they have a strong opinion on someone they’ve probably never met. Like, they’re birds.
(A fan going by the codename of Aled left us a note of con-grack-tulations.)
More Intel
This particular report comes to you from the Moab-Hellmouth Command Terminal (MHCT).
- Agent Joe Voorhees, who faked his Shelling when on the Beams, has ended up on the Miami Dale.
- Zack Sanders, a career Hellmouth Sunbeam who is often lored as having plant parts, is on the Boston Flowers.
- The San Francisco Lovers received Donia… Dollie. I saw that name and had a surge of hope that was immediately quashed in the worst possible manner.
- Sandie Carver’s name will fit right in on the Dallas Steaks.
- Chorby Short, of foul ball fame, was snagged by the Core Mechanics. A surprising choice!
Full List
These players have seen play:
- Zack Sanders – Boston Flowers
- Nanci Grackle – Houston Spies
- Jacob Winner – Ohio Worms
- Barry Burkhard – Tokyo Lift
- Russo Slugger – Canada Moist Talkers
- Haruta Byrd – Hawai’i Fridays
- Kit Ratoon – Atlantis Georgias
- Tot Best – Los Angeles Unlimited Tacos
- Gabriel Griffith – Baltimore Crabs
- Zephyr McCloud – Hades Tigers
- Chorby Short – Core Mechanics
- Jonathan Catalina – New York Millennials
- Oliver Loofah – Charleston Shoe Thieves
- London Simmons – Hellmouth Sunbeams
- Joe Voorhees – Miami Dale
- Don Elliott – Chicago Firefighters
- Sandie Carver – Dallas Steaks
- Hatfield Suzuki – Kansas City Breath Mints
- Axel Campbell – Yellowstone Magic
These players have not yet seen play:
- Enid Slumps – Mexico City Wild Wings
- Timmy Vine – Seattle Garages
- Thomas Marsh – Philadelphia Pies
- Donia Dollie – San Francisco Lovers
- Erickson Sato – Breckenridge Jazz Hands
We will see you again next week. Same grackle-time, same grackle-channel.