filed by Agent O
Good time of day, fellow agents, and welcome to the second half of this season! Our spot in the standings is more or less unchanged.
As per usual, the election results were preceded by a Speech. The Nutling (whose text is still red and all-caps like the Peanut’s, the difference being that the Nutling’s text appears inside a cute little speech bubble) is at least playing at mercy this time:
300,000? [Well, technically 322,619, not 300,000, but either way, still rather less than the 888,888 we “should” have had.]
NOT QUITE GOLDEN
BUT A GOOD EFFORT
PARTICIPATION WORTHY OF REWARD
Remember how placing votes for the Infinite granted “Peanut Favor” and a peanut badge on player profiles? This badge is now silver. A second place prize.
It’s Wimdy In Ohio
The Nutling continued:
I AM BENEVOLENT
I OFFER FLAVOR
A FEAST FOR WORMS
The Ohio Worms, who were not trying for Taste the Infinite, were “REMADE IN THE IMAGE OF THE SHELLED ONE”.
They are the Ohio Peanuts now. Their emoji has been changed to that of a peanut. Their slogan, “Oh, worm?” has been turned all-caps and Peanut-red. And the entire team is Honey-Roasted. Lest you forget, Honey-Roasted is the modification that lets ex-PODS players shell other players.
Worms Peanuts fans, while initially taken aback, are adapting; their greeting has morphed from “G’dirt” to “L’gume”, and they are embracing an initially unrelated meme called “DANGER PRESENTED BY OHIO”.
Also, We Got A Thing
While vote totals and percentages never showed up on the website due to a bug, filtering SIBR’s feedeck for Outcomes and Advanced>>Earlsiesta will show them.
We received, as expected, Hand Warmers, which has boosted Clark Heavens to a whole 0.8 pitching stars! What we did not expect was to receive Ball blood (solo Walk in the Park) with 1.2% of votes, which was granted to Ellie Fern. Ellie Fern is third in our lineup and has serviceable Moxie. Not bad.
The Yellowstone Magic received the Fist of the Ape God, a Blessing that granted one Giannis Manning a legendary item of the same name. The item is a bat with the attributes Arm, Arm, Arm, Arm, Arm, and Arm, and it increases their pitching by 7.5 stars, finally surpassing Winnie Hess. The fact that it is a bat also increases their batting by… 0.2. According to the best current understanding of how stlats work, having more than 3 ruthlessness suggests that Manning will never throw outside the strike zone ever again. 27-strikeout perfect game when?
Cold Call, the Distortion we were trying to get that rerolls the two worst pitchers, went to the Core Mechanics, who were presumably trying to maintain their long reputation of being The Pitching Team. This didn’t accomplish much, slightly improving Lolly Python and leaving Damon Triples basically unchanged.
On the very first game of the season, the 109th, the LA Unlimited Tacos had all but two of their batters Frozen, leaving the entire Watch Party channel to hope that the last ones would be frozen for several innings. But despite chants of “Snackrif-ICE” and “Choco Tacos”, it didn’t happen, and the game ended more or less as usual.
As of Monday morning we do not yet know what the Ohio Peanuts’ teamwide Honey Roasting does – their first game in Peanut weather, against the LA Unlimited Tacos, was entirely uneventful – but we are keeping our eyes on them.
Snowflake effects have been reversed. Instead of slightly changing FK stats usually upwards, having snow fall on you now slightly changes FK stats usually downwards. Some people were rooting for an entire team to have maxed patheticism, though, and are now disappointed.
Something about this election is weird. Each option’s illustration is neon yellow; and Circuits 100, 010, and 001 all excitedly state that they involve “ENHANCED PARTY TIME!” and have various options for what the postseason would look like.
Every single option is “HOSTED BY [REDACTED]”.
We have never seen an Entity associated with neon yellow. And even though it has the same name as our ballpark, we don’t know who or what [REDACTED] is.