filed by Agent O
From a 55-to-44 regular season record to top of the Sea Conference in postseason to the fifth game of the Internet Series finals, fellow Agents, we have yet again fallen barely short of victory.
Meanwhile, the Nutling got mad at us for beating the Ohio Peanuts, but there were no obvious consequences. It’s possible that this is going to change soon.
Despite three regular-season games in peanut weather, the Ohio Peanuts did not choose violence. No shelling, or other peanut-related shenanigans, happened in any of those games.
Giannis Manning, holder of the Fist of the Ape God, has demonstrated that even a Ruthlessness substat of over 3, in a system where substats are supposed to be between 0 and 1, does not prevent one from throwing Balls, or even for that matter walking batters. It took until Wednesday for them to pitch a perfect game.
And We Swept The Peanuts
We qualified for finals as 3rd seed in the Sea Conference. The 4th seed was to go up against the “Mild Card”, defined as the 5th best of the regular season.
However, another ILB paperwork error (interestingly, unlike the previous Circuit, said error only applied to our half of the bracket; the Sky conference’s seeding worked just fine) pitted us against the Ohio Peanuts (aforementioned mild card), who we crushed. Shortly afterwards, the Nutling objected to this occurrence:
Is the Nutling genuinely a better sport than its elder, or is it just more aware of its mortality and our history of killing gods?
We have a history of dodging consequences for plot relevance; there have been claims of “the Spies are immune to consequences”. And indeed, nothing is happening to us.
The Rest Of Postseason
Immediately afterwards, we beat the Yellowstone Magic in a 2-1 series despite the fact that this tier of the postseason was supposed to be best of 5, not best of 3.
The next morning, we went up against the LA Unlimited Tacos in a 3-2 reverse sweep, thus further confirming our excellence in dealing with shell corporations.
The Commissioner typically announces the champions of each conference with a relevant GIF; however, the Spies received a total lack of a GIF instead. It is unclear whether this is on purpose.
And so we made it to the Internet Series finals.
We lost the first two games, and then with chants of “REVERSE SWEEP” won the next two despite the freezing of star batter Mags Nakajima in the second inning of the fourth game.
Then Willow Hirsch, being a pitcher, literally threw the fifth game, doing Jordan Hildebert’s legacy proud with a bases-loaded walk that let the MTs score. There were also other hits later, but the walk was particularly memorable and infuriating.
We tasted victory, but yet again didn’t quite make it. All the way up through the fifth game, we were even throwing around ideas for how we would go about running the traditional victory parade channel.
I wish to propose here that we call this a visit to our favorite vacation destination, Choke City, as I don’t believe this good of a near-win merits jokerfication.
I believe our voting advice poll should be interpreted differently from how the main voting guide does it, so please forgive me for not quite adhering to the exact order given in our standard voting advice guide:
Our favorability votes for all three Circuits were basically tied. Vote for what you will, I suppose. I don’t have a strong preference – though I will point out that the shapes of the illustrations seem to reflect the shapes of the brackets that might result.
Jorge Gottwald is the player that was by far the most popular for Charging the microphone with. (Mags Nakajima narrowly won the part of the poll that went “who would you find it acceptable to charge the microphone with”, but the favoritism question was so ridiculously lopsided that I don’t think there’s much of an argument to be made otherwise.)