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Debriefings

WE POPPIN THE BIGGEST BOTTLES

Welcome to Season Nine, Spies. Much has changed since our last missive. Thanks to the , we now know that being Fireproof results in the incineration of Rogue Umpires instead of players. We find this information very interesting. We will not be elaborating. Though we did not win the Season Eight playoffs, we were not […]
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Debriefings

*WATCHES THE SECRET ONCE*

We are in the playoffs, Spies. The path here has been long and rocky with many upsets. The path forward will no doubt be similar. But we may rest assured that this is all in service of our grand mission. Win or , Spies, we win. The events of the past have perhaps our egos […]
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Debriefings

FITZGERALD BLACKBURN USES A CRAZY STRAW

Good news, Spies.  This has been a wonderful for the Spies. Though our recent performance has been more of a as we face off against teams with records, we have officially sealed our place within the season eight playoffs. We won thirteen games and ten, making it a much but still positive ratio, even if […]
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Debriefings

THE SPIES ARE GOOD, ACTUALLY

Spies, something has changed. This is Blaseball; many things change every day. Rogue Umpires zap players into piles of ashes. Giant squid appear and establish a tribute hall for those same players. And yet, the most incredible thing, the most unfathomable thing, seems to have happened: We knew after last season that things had improved […]
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Debriefings

WE ARE VERY NORMAL

It is the middle of the , Spies. I have checked and rechecked the data. I have run the calculations, the simulations, more times than I can count. I have asked Math Velazquez to verify. And yet, inexplicably, our win- ratio for the past remains a positive fifteen wins to nine . There are many […]
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Debriefings

GET ASTRO’S TURF

Season eight has begun. We encourage you to look at the standings. What is that you spy there? Is that the Spies not just slightly above the Dale in rankings, but actually one full slot ahead of them? It is. This is due in large part to our eleven wins to nine over the past […]
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Debriefings

GOODBYE MCBLASE

Welcome to season eight, Spies. Once again, the Spies have managed to avoid gaining any blessings. This is a concentrated effort and not reflective of small team size or . We simply did not want them. Ask anybody. We did, however, manage to get rid of that Evelton McBlase II. Through a cunning strategy coordinated […]
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Debriefings

PARTY IN AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION

Welcome to the postseason, Spies. , the previous ‘s events have been… dramatic. Let’s begin with the most relevant: the Spies won four games and five, sending us into Party Time. The Party never stops for Agent Reese Clark, who has asked for utter and complete silence as they recover from two solid days of […]
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Debriefings

NECROMANCY MAY BE A “BAD” IDEA

It’s the end of Season 7, Spies, and we are officially ready to . Over the last , the Spies amassed 13 wins and 10 . Our recent agent recruitment efforts seem to be paying off, even if we did get by the Tacos. On day 76, we shamed the Tacos . In return, the […]
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Debriefings

LETTUCE REJOICE

Good morning, Spies. It seems that carries significant consequences. This is your annual reminder that all attempts at must be approved by a supervisor with -level clearance. We acknowledge that this is given that clearance level is but you’re Spies, it’s your to figure it out. We have once again achieved the perfect win- balance […]